Virtual Sanity by Jamiroquor's Truly

A lot of you readers have been complaining that this blog isn't more interactive, because what is clubbing if not getting out there and finding out about other people through dancing and drinking and talking about jobs and real estate. Therefore, I am going to answer some questions from my angriest readers. P.S. How do I see how many people are looking at this blog? Is there a counter? I have definitely seen those on other blogs. If you know, tell me, it is important.

Question 1. Do you read all your letters or just some?
Answer: What does it look like? Your letter was stupid but I answered it anyway.

Question 2. I know you hate Bello Nock the clown from Ringling Bros. Is it because he doesn't lead a clubbing lifestyle?
Answer:

Dear Reader,

Here is my response: I hate Bello Nock the clown because he looks stupid and has stupid hair. I cannot imagine that his routine is funny or surprising. On a poster he is featured with some tigers who are standing up. If I am at a circus, do you think I want to be distracted from tigers who are standing up? Distracted by a skinny clown with bad hair? If you think that, you have misjudged me reader, and I do not want you to read this blog anymore. I am not trying to be mean. I hate this famous clown.

Does Bello Nock lead a clubbing lifestyle? A man who sits at home flicking Yoo-Hoo bottle caps into a baseball cap leads less of a clubbing lifestyle than worldly jet-setting Bello Nock, if that is what you are asking. I just a moment ago spoke with someone who said matter-of-fact that she had once slept with Bello Nock, and was I impressed? I was unimpressed with her and by him. A lot of women sleep with clowns, I am no idiot. I KNOW this. And sleeping with Bello Nock is like sleeping with the Mayor Bloomberg of clowns. Even after all of this, I hate Bello Nock, and I hope that I am never at the same club as him, even IF THAT MEANS I HAVE TO LEAVE A CLUB AND GO TO A DIFFERENT CLUB.

Question 3. How much would it cost to find out who you really are?
Answer: Reader, and other readers, let me do you a favor. Go to nytimes.com (that's the New York Times website) and search for eleventhstreetclubbingblog and there must be like 100 articles about me and this blog. You need to have TimeSelect, so if you don't, just borrow someone else's password. There are only like 50,000 people in the country who have one of those accounts, but I would imagine that makes them pretty popular in just such an instance as this.

Question 4. What are the best clubs in New York City?
Answer: What makes you think I am in New York City? Ha. You have picked up on my subtle clues reader. I am not too subtle for you. Anyway, this is just the kind of question that makes me wish I wasn't answering questions and was out at a club right now, doing what clubbers do. I will save my answer for tomorrow's post.

Question 5. How do you get your news?
Answer: I have my news baked into a fluffy angel cake, thrice daily.